New Dos, or You Get What You Pay For

Scissors be praised, I'm back to short. Imagine spending 5 minutes on your hair and having it look better than when you spent 30 minutes on it when it was long. It's fabulous. I wish I could show you how I look in the mirror. I look so much better in the mirror than in photographs. Incidentally, I never cared about how unphotogenic I was until I watched Clueless and found out from Cher that mirrors are not as accurate as cameras. No wonder I hardly ever got asked out on dates: I wasn't as hot as I thought I was. Fortunately I realized my weakness and bought a hand-held mirror. That's how I won over Jake. I carried a mirror around with me and told him to talk to the mirror. Eleven months later, we were married.

Back to the main point, I went to a licensed stylist who knew what she was doing. Being an evil, cheap mother, I took the girls to get their hair cut at the local beauty college. Ironically, the child that couldn't hold her head still to save her life got the better haircut,

while the one that had the student of the month and never moved a muscle ended up looking like a male native from The Mission. That's what you can expect from a $4 haircut. But on the bright side, it's even and will look cute in two months.

Forget the lump of coal

Damon: Mom, what are those three red dots on your nose?
me: Pimples.
Damon: I guess your sugar-free diet isn't working.
me: Maybe it would if I stopped eating sugar.
Damon: Yeah, whenever you make treats, you get five and the rest of us only get one.

I'm going to put a muzzle in that kid's stocking.

One fine day a week or two ago Anne informed me she got water on the bathroom floor. I went in to inspect and thanked her for telling me so I could clean it up. I assumed the water was from her washing her hands, as I had just heard her flush the toilet. Then she told me, "I put a green rag in the toilet." I lifted up the toilet lid and found the water had reached the rim of the bowl. So, the water on the floor was not from the sink. I put Anne in time-out. We have green dishrags, so I guessed that's what Anne had flushed. She is forever taking out my dish towels and hiding them, but this is the first time she's hid one in the toilet. I was not pleased. I did some research on the internet and found out I needed to go to Home Depot to buy a toilet auger. (Unfortunately by this time I had already scratched the porcelain with a wire hanger. Remember to always do your internet research first, folks.) So, I started getting the girls shoes on and told them why we had to go to the store. "Can I come?" asked Anne, all excited. "We need to go to the candy store." What the?! I was about ready to beat her. She overflows the toilet and thinks she gets candy for it. That is why parents spank. (I don't spank or beat my children, but I was sure tempted this time.)

This kid is getting a straight-jacket for Christmas.

Now Claire came up to me today and said, "Mommy, you are wearing a beautiful dress. I want to wear a beautiful dress like you." Nevermind that I was wearing slacks and a long-sleeved tee. This child can have something fabulous for Christmas.

Not so much sugar, plenty of spice

Anne: Can you go away?

Me: Go away? Why do you want me to go away?

Anne: Because you're bothering us.

So, I went away, and just as I suspected she would, Anne pushed a chair to the cabinet, climbed on the counter, opened the cupboard, and looked for candy (I try to limit the kids' sugar intake but sometimes a gal needs some bribery power, folks, so it doesn't hurt to keep a stash).

Anne is a sweet little girl (she says 'please,' 'thank you,' and 'I sorry' frequently), and very cute, but she's got a little more fire than the other two had at this age. She hits and bites more than they ever did. She also says "NO!!" and "That's not fair!" more than is desirable. She spends a considerable part of her day in time-out for tearing up library books, dumping bubble bath all over the floor, deliberately doing what I just told her not to do, etc.

This Boy

was a ghost for Halloween. He never ate a single piece of Halloween candy without making sure his sisters ate at least one piece first. That way, he could ensure that they would run out of candy before he did. He does a similar thing with money. If he wants to buy something, he convinces his sisters to buy something of equal or greater value first with their money. I think he's on the cusp of some brilliant economic theory, like Russel Crowe's character in A Beautiful Mind. Hopefully D's best friends will always exist outside of his own head, though.

He's quite the talker. He can carry on a conversation for hours. It's great, but I'm the kind of gal who thinks silence in golden. So Sunday when I informed the troops they were not allowed to talk to me because I was listening to conference talks on my mp3 player, I was mostly talking to him.

D replied doubtfully, "Okay, I hope that works out for you."

It didn't work out so well.

before and after

This is the way nature intended my hair, and sadly the way it looks most days.


Here's my hair (and a crazy-lady smile) thanks to the magical flat iron. I only look this sexy (see August post--sorry I'm too ignorant to do a link) once a week. Or month.


Beauty is pain, as my friend Rachel used to say. I'm itching to cut my hair short again. But then I'll be griping about having to get it cut every four weeks. Sigh. Why didn't I inherit my mother's gift for cheerfully getting up at 5:30 to beautify? Damon's right. I'm not much of a girl (see April post).

Claire

Claire demonstrating a more efficient way to drink tea.


Claire holding her pet Leaf Bug.


Claire in her favorite state of being: wet and muddy

ripped

Jake cuts his own hair in front of the bathroom mirror. During his last hair cut, he called to me, "Hey, check out my six-pack...oh, wait, those are my ribs."

I know what you're thinking: I'm a lousy cook. I'll admit I'm not the best, but he was pretty thin when I got him, so I'm just maitaining the status quo.