If it shouldn't be heard by little ears...

Damon was across the street playing with his friends today. I was sitting on our front porch when I heard Damon say to his buddies, "I'm going to get the hell out of here."

I called him over and told him not to talk like that.

"What? I just said I was going to get the hell out of there."

I explained that hell was a bad word and we're not supposed to say it.

"Hell? You say 'hell'."

Oh. Well. In times of extreme provocation--

I thought I only said that when the kids couldn't hear me.

New resolution: no more swearing, and I mean it this time.

first grade, random quotes and pictures

Damon regarding first grade: "All I do is listen to the teacher talk all day. I don't learn anything."

Anne: "I go school wif Damon. I five." (I bought her a backpack today so she can stop wearing Damon's.)

Claire, when I suggested we go to the park: "I don't want to go to the pahk. I want to go on a twip to da mooooooon."

Jake, on a day I had straightened my hair: "You look sexy today. Did you comb your hair?"

Here's Claire rocking her pet dinosaur:


Damon after his first day of first grade:


Anne in an outfit designed by Damon:

Week in Review

Jake took last week off. This is how it went down.

Sunday: Jake wakes up sick. We find out on Friday it was strep throat.

Monday: I abandon the kids and Jake in his illness to spend a fabulous afternoon with my kindred spirit Jamie/June Cleaver. It was the first time I have enjoyed shopping in YEARS.



Tuesday and Wednesday (AKA Amateur Night at the Campsite): We went camping at Rendevouz Beach in Bear Lake. The word 'Beach' and the campsite illustrations on the internet led me to believe we would be camping on a beach. We (especially Damon) were disappointed that although our tent would be on sand, we would have to walk 100 yards through weeds and mud to reach the water, where there was no beach. We had a good time anyway, thanks to Jake's Dutch oven cooking and s'mores. At night we left our garbage bag under the picnic table, figuring that there weren't any bears at Bear Lake any more. There aren't, but there are skunks. Damon the early riser discovered one eating our garbage in the morning. Jake tried scaring it away from a distance, but the skunk refused to leave until it was finished eating.

Thursday: I take Claire to the doctor for her annual check-up and shots on her birthday. I'm a mean mom. Later Phillip (my brother) and my Grandma Firth come over for Claire's party, consisting of hot dogs (which inspired an impromptu song by Claire: "Hot dogs, hot dogs in a bun"), corn on the cob, strawberries and cream on spongecake, and a pinata. The pinata was traumatic for Claire. First of all, she couldn't break it open, eliciting sobs of frustration. Then, we forced her to let Damon and Anne have turns whacking it, which led to weeping and wailing. She felt better gathing up candy after Damon broke it open, though.

Friday: We're wiped out, skip the Pioneer Day festivities, and light our own fireworks at 7 pm. Jake and I begin watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button after the kids go to bed.

Saturday: We finish Benjamin Button. I bawled my eyes out. Jake is heartless and cracked jokes about the ending.

Eagles vs Seagulls

Our FHE lesson on Monday was about the miracle of the gulls. The entire lesson was a flop: Jake had to take Claire out of the room when she wouldn't stop wailing because she didn't get to say the opening prayer, even though we let her say a second opening prayer; Damon was angry because no one was sitting in the right place; Anne was being Anne, running from one corner of the room to the other. I closed the lesson by saying Utah made the seagull its state bird fifty years later out of gratitude for what the seagulls had done.

Everything had gone so badly up until then that I shouldn't have been surprised to find Damon disappointed and demoralized to the point of tears to learn that each state had its own bird. His feelings seemed to be mortally offended on behalf of bald eagles everywhere that they were not enough the fulfill the avian needs of all the nation. We finally were able to comfort him with the assurance that all fifty states stand united under the bald eagle, regardless of their individual birds.

This morning I told him that Justin (my brother serving a mission in FL) wanted him to write to him.

"Why?" Damon asked.

"Because he misses you and is probably lonely far away from his family and friends."

"At least he still has the national bird, the bald eagle," Damon said solicitously.

Justin must feel comforted by that knowledge every day.

More Quotes

Me to Damon, while Anne is crying: Can't you just let Anne help you?
Damon: No, you don't let me help you on your special projects. I want to do this on my own.
A light bulb comes on in my slow brain and I pick up Anne and take her away from the home-made punching bag she was trying to help him with.

Claire: Let's keep the toilet lids closed so the chameleon cannot put it's head in the water and drink the water. (We don't own a chameleon.)

Anne: I wanna do it! (She says this a hundred times a day whenever I try to wash her hands or help her with anything else.)

Quotes

Damon, after I went to a Tupperware party: Why do people go to dumb parties where they just sit around and look at plates?

Claire: when my parents dropped by one night, she held her teddy bear and jumped into my dad's arms saying, "Teddy is very happy to see you!" (Teddy has since been lost, but I'm relieved to report that Claire is coping pretty well)

More Claire: Damon is my best, best, best, best, best, best friend.
When I'm happy I smile and when I smile I giggle.

Anne (she's one of those 2-year-olds that strips down to the nude regularly): I naked!

My Longest, Boringest Blog Ever

I am the mother of three small children and that entitles me to use words like 'boringest.'

I'm potty training Anne today. It's almost 10:30 AM and we've had two accidents and two successes: that's very good compared with Damon's and Claire's efforts on their first days in underwear.

April was an exciting and exhausting month. We visited the beach and Disneyland to enjoy some of the Longest Lines on Earth.

I went off my sugar-free diet during our vacation (if you can call a trip including three little kids 'vacation'), but then when I got back and reviewed that Ultra-Prevention book, I found out I could have/should have stuck with it. It's not all or nothing, you just do the best you can. Common sense could have told me that, but it was being shouted down by my desire for Easter candy. So, I'm back to whole grains and trying to eliminate sugar, but I'm not as fanatical as I was before. My soy milk, for example, is now the sweetened kind because it's cheaper than the unsweetened kind, and I don't feel like a complete failure for drinking it.

When we got back from CA (after a delightful stop to see Jake's parents), we celebrated Anne's 2nd birthday.

Then we packed up and moved about a mile away to a much better rental. I'm not sure how we survived 11 months in that stinky house, and now that we're almost settled into the new place and I don't feel completely stressed out, I'm really glad we moved.

Sorry the photos aren't matched up with the proper text, but as my viewership is of above-average intelligence, I'm sure you'll figure them out.