Charlotte's Journal

progress update

2012-01-23T07:39:00.000-08:00

“You forget what you want to remember, and you remember what you want to forget.”
― Cormac McCarthy, The Road

That's a great book. You should read it, if you're not easily depressed/frightened out of your wits. It'll motivate you to get your 1 year supply of food, as well as buy guns, ammunition, and build a secret underground bomb shelter in your back yard.

Before I forget, I want to record what an excellent job Steve at Redwood Learning Center did (and is doing) helping Claire. He's the one who trained our Utah tutors, provided us with teaching programs, and is still supporting us via email and telephone now that we've moved.

When we first met Steve, Claire couldn't/wouldn't say hello to people (even her own father). She cried/screamed/held up her hand/turned her face away/all of the above. At kindergarten recess she would pace and do other self-stimulatory behaviors around the playground without ever going near other kids. There were other unpleasant behaviors, but I don't want to go on all day. Now, 16 months later, she can say hello and respond appropriately to questions like, "How are you?" She plays on the playground, and even plays with other kids. As I type she's playing dress-up downstairs with one of her school friends and her tutor JT. She sounds like a typical child, except her speech is still a little odd sometimes. And her cute little friend really likes her and was excited to come over and play! I could cry for joy because of that.

Claire no longer qualifies for services through the school district. Part of that is because she's repeating kindergarten, but that is also because of the therapy program Steve set up for her. I don't know if she will have an IEP in the future (her fine and gross motor skills are still a little behind), but for now it's wonderful.

Steve introduced us to the Superflex program which helps Claire understand how to behave in public, and how to overcome "rockbrain" thinking (for example: one night Claire was in the bathtub while Damon took a shower in a different bathroom. He got done before her and had his pajamas on while she was still in the bath. C: Is Damon out? Me: Yes. C: No! Make him get back in! I'm not getting out unless he's back in the shower! Me: No, he's not getting back in. You need to use your superflex powers and let things happen in a different order. [she still threw a fit, but she is slowly getting better at accepting life when it doesn't go her way. Bad example of success, good example of rockbrain thinking.])

We still have things to work on, and I suspect Claire will never be one of those "best outcome" kids who can no longer be described as autistic, but she is very close. We have Steve to thank for that, and Heaven for guiding us to Steve.

Peep is no longer with us

2012-01-17T06:05:00.000-08:00

The kids got mice for Christmas. They asked for pet mice a long time ago, and I promised them they could have them if they did their chores without whining until Christmas. These are the kinds of promises you make when you feel guilty for moving your children from a neighborhood/state/everyone/everything they loved to a place they don't love as much.

They loved those mice. I even liked them for a little while, until I found out how much they smell.

On Monday, Anne and Claire were playing with them unsupervised. I feel kinda bad about that now. To avoid getting too gruesome Anne committed first degree mouseslaughter. I felt bad, Anne felt bad, Damon felt worse, Claire was philosophical, and now Peep is buried in the best little cardboard box we had (thank you, Marcus, for the box Jake's Christmas gift was put in) in the backyard. We've prayed for her soul numerous times this week, that she'll be happy in heaven and that she'll forgive us for letting her die. Damon says we cannot move from this house unless we take Peep's remains with us. So, I guess he's reconciled to moving here.

One down, two to go.

Rated PG-13 for language. Not suitable for all audiences.

2012-01-16T18:53:00.000-08:00

Sunday morning I got Claire out of bed. She likes me to personally get her up most mornings.

"Mom, I'm not a b****."

"What?" Not sure I heard that right.

"I'm not a b****."

Yep, heard it right. Starts with b, rhymes with twitch. "Claire, that's a bad word. Don't ever say that word, OK?"

"OK."

"If I ever hear you say that again, I'll wash your mouth out with soap, OK?"

"OK."

"Where did you hear that word?"

"Anne."

?!???

note to self: all-matching clothes next year

2011-11-20T11:53:00.000-08:00

Before kindergarten every day, I remind Claire what she has to do to earn her after-school treat. Last week it was "be polite and raise your hand to answer questions at least three times."

Claire: "I'll just raise my middle finger." Then she demonstrated by giving me the flipper [edited-for-TV version of The Matrix, anyone? That's my favorite scene, after all the ones with gratuitous violence, of course].

Me: "Well, that's considered rude. Better raise your hand."

Clare: "I'll just raise all five fingers, then."

Me: "That's a good idea. Now, you're zebra-stripe pants look a little wild with your polka-dot shirt, 'cause it's brown and your pants are black and white. We should change one of them. Should I get your brown pants or your shirt with the zebra on it?"

Claire: "But the stripes are white and the polka-dots are white. I want them to match!" (getting a little upset)

Me: "OK, I won't make you change if you don't want to. Are you sure you want to wear this?"

Claire: "Yes."

And I decided to be happy that she at least wouldn't be flipping off the teacher. Gotta choose your battles.

School!

2011-10-17T11:49:00.000-07:00

Here are the kids after their first few weeks in school. Some parents take pictures the first day of school, and some wait until they can find the camera batteries, they remember, and their kids are all wearing something presentable.

Visitors!

2011-10-17T08:19:00.000-07:00

Our first visitors were my high school physics/algebra/pre-cal teacher and his wife. They are retired, were making a cross-country trip, and were kind enough to stop by. I wish I'd gotten a picture of them. If you know Virginia, you could get some pictures of us and the way we live from her. When they arrived, I was picking the kids up from school. I'd told them earlier on the phone to just come in--I'd leave the door unlocked. So, while I was gone, Byron and Virginia came in and Viriginia took pictures of the house for my mom. Sadly, the house was in it's natural state, namely, a disaster area. I'd decided to make a cake for their visit rather than clean the house. You can't do everything, people. And Claire's program has worn away my sense of shame, with tutors coming and going 4-6 days a week. In the beginning I tried hard to make them (the tutors, I mean) believe I kept an immaculate house. That lasted less than a week. It was too exhausting. If you have 3+ kids and know how to keep a clean, tidy house, make meals, do laundry, shower daily, and get 7-8 hours of sleep a night, please let me know how you do it. I'd really like to know. Whoa, tangent. Anyway, in spite of the house, we had a really nice visit. Maybe clean houses are over-rated. Enough with the house!! I thought my sense of shame was gone, but maybe it's not. Back to the visit--Byron and Virginia are so sweet, and interesting! Did you know Virginia was Homecoming Queen in college her junior year? And Byron is mapping pioneer trails in Idaho, along with collecting antique looms and making tapestries! They should have a blog. Oh, and my cake was really good. Thank you, Food Nanny.

Two days ago my cousin Clayton, his wife Marianne, daughter Eleanor and son Winston dropped by--they live in the middle of the mitten, I think. We're more at the bottom left corner. That's Michigan-speak, folks, if you don't follow. See, I did get some pictures them.

Is it me, or are all the cutest kids in the world my relatives? Sorry, people who aren't in my family. Too bad Winston was asleep by the time I got the camera out. He's like his sister-- sweet and full of smiles. I thought Clayton and Marianne were all right, too, until they thumped me and Jake in pool. (Have I mentioned our house came with a pool table?!) I'm not sure if they're welcome here anymore. Kidding! You guys are always welcome. As long you lose next time.

Kalamazoo

2011-07-31T15:40:00.000-07:00

When we were little we had these really great baby-sitters named Jennifer and Jill. My sister's name is Lynsey, and Jennifer taught us this silly rhyme:

Lynsey Lou from Kalamazoo
Went to the zoo and got the flu.
Went to bed with Fred,
and when she woke up, she was wed.

One of my brothers changed 'wed' to 'wet her pants,' which was funnier and made more sense to us because one of us had a bedwetting problem. I'm not going to mention any names, but it wasn't me, and it wasn't one of my brothers.

Anyway, what brought all this to mind is this: Kalamazoo is a real place. It's in Michigan, and the kids and I are moving there next month. Jake is already there. He starts his new job (same company, different plant) tomorrow. The kids and I are just waiting for our house to close (yes, we're buying a house! knock on wood and cross your fingers! It seems too good to be true! Or too awful to be true, depending on whether you're talking to me or Jake), and then we'll join him.

The kids are finally starting to come around. Today they seemed almost excited. Until this morning, there have been a lot of tears. We're close to grandparents here, live in a great neighborhood, and those will be tough to leave. But, I feel strongly this is the right move. Wish us luck!

Claire had a birthday

2011-07-31T14:48:00.000-07:00

Shout hurray! She hit her own pinata! She welcomed her birthday guests! Her cake wasn't burnt to a tough cardboard texture like Anne's was! She's excited to be 6! I'm too lazy to upload video footage of the party, so you'll have to content with the lame picture I took--the one on top was taken by a friend of mine the same day.

Body Art

2011-07-31T14:33:00.000-07:00

Damon used washable (thank Heaven!) markers to make Anne a sabre tooth tiger and Claire an alien.
I used to get nervous whenever the house was too quiet--it meant the kid were in to something they shouldn't be. Now if it sounds like they're having too much fun, I know it's time to find out what they're up to. Then reinforce the naughty behavior by taking a picture.

Swimming Lessons

2011-07-22T13:51:00.000-07:00

This is the safety float: Damon and Claire have it mastered (though you wouldn't know it to hear Claire--she usually screamed, "Teacher, grab me!" while doing it). Anne can do it for 5 seconds or so.

Fairly Recent Quotes

2011-07-22T13:40:00.000-07:00

Claire: "If you don't make Anne to a session [that's what we call Claire's 2-hr therapy blocks] I'm going to be jealous of her for the rest of my life!"

A few weeks after that she said, while crying: "Why am I the only one who has to do sessions?"

She used to love her sessions. Once school got out, she didn't like them so much. The tutors have been focussing on making therapy more fun and less work since she said the above, and it has made a difference. However, she is pretty excited if a tutor calls in sick.

Damon, while trying to make an airplane out of cardboard: "This is hard because some of the parts I just don't know how to make because I've never had an engineering class." (This was news to me: last I heard, he could make a space shuttle easily if he just had the right materials.)

Anne: "When I was born my mom forgot to name me Jessica, because that is a more beautiful name."

Memorial Day Weekend

2011-07-22T13:36:00.000-07:00

We went south to visit Grandma and Grandpa H, Matt, and Brett and Rachel and their family. They were the reason we went, and naturally I forgot to take pictures of them. Here are the pictures I did take:

Meet Janet

2011-05-21T16:24:00.000-07:00

She's the one on the right. She was Whitney last week, and Annie (not Anne) before that. But I'll still refer to her as Anne.

Quoth she as we walked to school to pick up Claire and saw a man walking toward us:

"Who is that human?"

I didn't know, but was glad she clarified. For a second there I thought she was talking about a car or tree.

When we were in the bathroom brushing her hair:

"Anne, do you want to grow your hair out?" I asked.

"No, I just want jewels."

Whenever she helps me find or make something I say, "Anne, what would I do without you?"

She says, "Uh, panic."

whining time

2011-05-20T08:51:00.000-07:00

"Nothing ever fatigues me but doing what I do not like."
~Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

1. Making Claire's tutors' schedules
2. Primary secretary work
3. Claire's therapy
4. Trying (and so far failing) to get our insurance to cover Claire's physical therapy
5. Paying bills
6. Seeing piles of stuff (papers, clothes, etc)
7. Putting away piles of stuff

Anne turned 4!

2011-05-18T15:20:00.000-07:00

Get that pinata, Anne!

The joke that never gets old.

I need a new camera--this one doesn't do justice the expression on Anne's face. She's got some killer instinct.

musings

2011-05-18T15:04:00.001-07:00

Maybe I'm misremembering, but isn't that skirt I'm wearing an exact replica of the skirt Frauline Maria wore on her way to meet the Von Trapp family? When they all told her how ugly her clothes were? In the mirror, I swear the skirt looked cute. This is one reason I hate pictures. From now on, I am not going to be in any more pictures. Then it won't bother me that pictures are being taken. But look at my hair: thanks to our camera's poor resolution (it was on clearance 10 years ago) you can hardly tell I've been cutting it myself for 8 months.

New topic: I discovered librivox.org recently, a site where you can download audiobooks for free or volunteer to read them into the public domain yourself. I listened to their rendition of Wives and Daughters. Some of the chapters were read by people whose voices were pleasant to listen to; some chapters were read by people whose monotone made me wonder if they were somehow making recordings postmortem. Anyway, back when I had a baby to hold (which was wonderful, don't get me wrong) I would sometimes fantasize about the days when all my kids would be grown and out of the house and how nice it would be. Then I blinked and my son was getting baptized and my youngest was four, and I realized I wasn't in such a hurry for my kids to grow up. And I started getting worried about what I would do with myself when they were. Now I know: I'm going to record books for librivox. Sure, my voice is nasally and maybe I've got no future in radio. But you should see how captivated my kids are when I read stories to them. I think there must be some talent there.

A Good Day

2011-05-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

Damon got baptized! He's a good boy and I'm proud of him.

One of these days my hatred for taking pictures is going to finally be conquered by my desire to have pictures. I wish I had taken a picture of these fine folk who were there that day: Grandma Ethel Mae F.; Grandma and Grandpa F.; Lex and Justin; Julie, Scott and Ayda; Lynsey, Marcus, Zannah, and Max; Jen W; Rayna and Mo H; Brothers P and B from the bishopric...Lynsey, you can tell me if I missed anyone.

If you're wondering

2011-05-18T12:22:00.000-07:00

A month or three ago, I stopped being angry and bitter about Claire having Asperger's. I was talking with a dear lady on the phone who also has a child with disabilities, and something she said, I can't remember what, finished the 6+ month long process of healing my heart. I still am astounded sometimes when I see a large family with no non-typical children, but I don't curse them and wonder what they did right and I did wrong. I still feel worn down by Claire's therapy, but I'm not angry about it. I feel happy. I accept. I'm grateful to the powers and mercies of Heaven for that.

solutions to slip-n-slide concrete

2011-04-16T13:55:00.000-07:00

Our landlord just had the stamped concrete around our house resealed. It's treacherous when wet. But as we slip and maime ourselves on it, we find comfort knowing it's protected from the elements.

Anne and Damon were outside playing on it today after a rainstorm today. The water had beaded into puddles all over.

"Mom!" called Damon. "Anne's naked!"

Sure enough, there she was in the front yard, stark naked. You really shouldn't take your eyes off your kids for a second; that's all the time it takes for them to strip in front of the neighbors.

I took her in the house. "Anne, why did you take your clothes off?"

"Because I would slip and have to change my clothes and slip and have to change my clothes and slip and have to change my clothes..."

So it was easier just to be naked than to have to take wet clothes off over and over again, or find somewhere else to play. Wearing wet clothes was apparently not an option, either.

Fortunately we discovered that if she wore rubber-soled shoes, she wouldn't slip, and therefore could wear clothing.

What the...

2011-04-10T18:29:00.001-07:00

Why can't I put paragraphs in my blog posts lately? See below. Very annoying.

blah blah blah blah blah

2011-04-03T17:46:00.000-07:00

Last I wrote, Claire had support at school three days a week: me on Mondays while Anne went to my neighbor's house, and Jessie (one of her three tutors) on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It wasn't enough. On Wednesdays and Fridays Claire spent most of her time at school zoned out, so we put Anne in the local Montessori pre-school on Mondays and Wednesdays so I could go to school with Claire both those days. On Fridays, Anne and I go to her class for ten minutes. During that time, Anne plays quietly in the back of the classroom (bless her!) playing with toys while I sit by Claire and let her earn as many stickers as she can in 10 minutes. To earn a sticker she: follows directions as well as her classmates, raises her hand to answer questions, and participates in group singing/counting, etc. After I leave, her teacher takes away a sticker whenever Claire is zoning out. If Claire comes home with three stickers, then she gets a reward. It's going well so far, exept it wears me out. Drum roll please....Claire is back on gluten!!! A wise woman (Catherine) suggested maybe we had re-introduced gluten too much too fast, and that could have been what caused the bloating. So, we tried again more slowly, and Claire did fine! Hurray! We can eat good things again! She's still off dairy, mostly: last weekend Anne secretly slipped her Reese's peanut butter cups and Claire belched continuously for the next four days. Dairy is much easier to live without than wheat, though, so we're not complaining. Anne is doing okay in pre-school. To quote one of her teachers, "She was made for Montessori." And for the first week or so, Anne loved it. But then the newness wore off. When I would pick her up those first few days, she would be sitting in isolation at a table eating her lunch while all the other kids sat with each other at the other tables. It was pretty sad. Then I guess the teachers noticed the horrified look on my face, and they started making the other kids leave room for her at their tables. I hoped she'd be happier after that, but she cries most mornings as Jake takes her. On the bright side, she seems like she's had fun by the time I pick her up, and one of the teachers said she's made a bosom friend. Damon took Jr. Jazz basketball last month (I think. The days and months all run together). Now he's taking soccer. And guess who got roped into being his soccer coach? Me, the person who didn't know there were no time-outs in soccer. The rec center lady who gave me this sob story about nobody else being able to coach was clearly lying: it's astonishing how many parents sit around and gab while I'm holding practice. Oh, well. I'm better at yelling at kids than anyone I know, so I might as well put my talents to use. Back to ABA program news: one of our tutors is going on a mission [I think her true mission should be helping our child], so we've got to hire a new one. College undergrads looking for work aren't hard to find, but it's a pain to have to train someone new. Not to be ungrateful. Claire has made great progress, and we're grateful to have found good people to help her. Time to sign off and see if the kiddos brushed teeth and used the potty so they can have a bedtime story.

Rare recorded dialogue between the Tooth Fairy and her Assistant

2011-02-15T09:50:00.000-08:00

[Can't Damon and Anne just give me a nice normal smile?

He lost his top right front tooth. You might notice that the permanant tooth is already half-way in. Damon doesn't pull his teeth out. He let's them come out on they're own. That's how much he hates pain. Or maybe his lame Tooth Fairy doesn't give him enough incentive.]

Tooth Fairy: "How much to we pay for teeth? Fifty cents?"

Assitant: "I don't know. Should we give him a dollar?"

Tooth Fairy, after checking wallets: "We don't have a dollar."

Assistant: "I saw one in the other room."

Tooth Fairy: "That's his dollar. Your parents sent it to him."

Assistant: "So? He won't know the difference."

Tooth Fairy: "You want to give him his own dollar for his tooth."

Assistant: "Yeah. Why not?"

Tooth Fairy: "Well...we'll pay him back, so I guess it doesn't matter..."

Assitant: "Why would we pay him back? He'll never know."

He was kidding. Of course we'll pay him back. As soon as we get a dollar.

The world is too much with us...

2011-02-08T14:23:00.000-08:00

and I can't decide if it's funny or disturbing. A week or two ago Anne woke up, beautified herself with a hat, bracelet, her favorite mismatched socks (with blue masking tape around one for extra beauty), and a washcloth tied around her leg. It was cute, so I got out the camera to take a picture, and she strikes a pose. She's three years old, people. And MY (I'm the person children sometimes mistake for a boy) daughter.

I've been letting the kids watch those old Scooby-Doo reruns: maybe Daphne is a bad influence. Or maybe it's the Kohl's ads: I didn't think she was studying the models because she always fixated on the jewelry pages, but maybe she was. I'll have to ban both.

Now check out this:

Unlike Claire and Damon, who only care about comfort, Anne doesn't wear things unless she likes the way they look. Even though we practically live in the arctic circle, she's been wearing purple water shoes because the hand-me-downs from Damon weren't 'beautiful enough.' So I finally decided I'd better take her shoe shopping. Naturally, the only shoes she was interested in were those ones up there, which, because they weren't already gaudy enough, also light up. Going anywhere with her is like walking next to a fireworks display.

going to school with Claire and experimenting with yoga

2011-01-11T08:34:00.000-08:00

Last semester Claire had her tutor Joseph going to school with her 3 days a week. This semester, her tutors' class schedules have not been as accomadating. Jessie is able to go with her Tuesday and Thursday, and since our consultant (Steve) says Claire isn't ready to have less help at school, I go with her on Mondays while Anne goes to our neighbor's house to play.
Yesterday was my first day. Wow, was I depressed after the first half-hour. Claire acted like she was partially deaf or maybe on drugs. Apparently her classmates and teachers were used to it: her friend Cecily took her by the hand and took her where she was supposed to go (Claire almost never responded to instructions on her own) and the music teacher said, "Thanks, Cecily, for helping Claire." !!!!! Claire is perfectly capable of doing what she's asked to do--she does it all the time at home. I've got to read some books by people with Asperger's so I can understand what it is about being in large groups that shuts them down. Or maybe it's just Claire. I don't know. Does anyone know?! Tell me! Gah!
On top of that, Claire's personality was totally absent. At home she laughs at jokes and silliness all the time. At school, I didn't see a single smile. The teacher read this poem to the class:
I made myself a snowball
Just as perfect as could be.
I thought I'd keep it as a pet
And let it sleep with me
I gave it some pajamas
And a pillow for its head.
Then, last night it ran away,
But first . . . .it wet the bed!

The other kids were cracking up and yelling out, "It didn't run away, it melted!" Claire stared straight ahead with a blank expression on her face. I was ready to cry.

After school we got in the van, picked up Anne, and went to the grocery store. And back came the Claire I know, laughing and talking...I read her that snowball poem at home, and she giggled. "Did the snowball really wet the bed?" I asked. "No, it melted," Claire said.
When we got home I remembered a suggestion Steve made at our workshop last week, and today Jessie put it in action: whenever Claire does what she's told to do at the same speed the other kids are doing it, she gets a sticker. If she earns 5 stickers in one day, she gets to go to the toy store after school and pick out a prize. Lo and behold, it worked! Here she is with her new toy, Squishy:
Now we increase the number of stickers she has to earn before she gets a prize until it gets to be a habit and she doesn't need rewards anymore. One thing that worries me is she doesn't have a tutor on Wednesdays and Fridays. We'll have to be even more blessed and lucky than we already are to get her to listen and obey on those days. What we need is a tutor with her every day at school...we'll see how things go, and if she's not progressing, we'll just have to find a tutor for those other two days.

I don't know how we'll get her to be the giggly, talkative girl she is at home at school, but one bridge at a time, folks.

Another area Claire is literally weak in is gross motor skills. She doesn't have much muscle tone or coordination. I think that's pretty common among kids with Asperger's. Every day during her therapy sessions at home, her tutors spend 10 minutes working on gross motor skills. Jessie introduced Claire to yoga, and Claire got a kick out of it. Maybe it was just the names of the exercises (downward dog, or something?). Anyway, I decided maybe I should look into yoga for the first time in my life. I always wrote it off as something for new age hippies and people from California (no offense, Jamie H--you know I love you and Bonnie). But we've all seen Madonna's arms, and Claire could use some of that muscle tone. So this morning I turned on Exercise TV and tried yoga. It's a good workout. If I can get Claire doing that regularly, she'll have Gollum arms in no time.

diet update

2011-01-07T10:55:00.000-08:00

Anne, speaking to Claire about the gum they were chewing: "Mine has artificial colors in it, and so does yours. Mine isn't good for me."

Claire: "And neither is mine." But they chew it very happily.

Over the Christmas break we reintroduced gluten into Claire's diet. For the first few days, everything seemed fine, but toward the end of the week, Claire's stomach was pretty bloated. Her behavior seemed less stable, which might have been the gluten, but was probably just the less routine nature of the holidays.

So now Claire's back off gluten, her stomach looks better, and I'm just going to have to resign myself to a gluten-free lifestyle and fend off insanity as best I can. I don't know why gluten makes her bloated--her bowel movements were normal, and she never complained of a stomach ache...I wish we had a good DAN! (Defeat Autism Now!) doctor around here, but we don't, so we'll muddle through as best we can on our own.

We haven't reintroduced dairy, and probably never will, because we know it makes her constipated, regardless of how much fiber she eats. I am letting her have soy, and I'm letting her chew gum, hence the dialogue about artificial colors above. If you know of an all natural chewing gum that kids would like, let me know.

She's still on her supplement regimen: a HUGE thanks to Scott J. for the fish oil and probiotics he donates to the cause.

Happy New Year

2011-01-03T11:48:00.000-08:00

Is there anything quite like hearing the angelic giggles of little girls "playing so well together!" downstairs?

Is there anything quite like finding the bathroom covered in water that didn't come from the sink and a Barbie in the toilet when you go down to see what's so funny? "But Mom," said Claire, "Rapunzel was only trying to get her shoes back," (which Anne flushed down a few months ago).

And that pink dress is sopping wet. Apparently swimming in the buff was an afterthought.

Snowboarding

2010-12-23T14:52:00.000-08:00

Jake's company sponsors an annual night skiing event up the canyon. This is the second year he and Damon have gone, which means Damon has gone snowboarding twice in his young life. Really wish I would have thought to send the camera with Jake. Anyhow, Damon had a good time. Jake was having a good time until he tried to regain his former glory by doing some jumps. "How high did I go off that one, Damon? Twenty feet?" "Maybe four," Damon answered.

Jake says he'll snowboard by himself from now on.

Thanksgiving

2010-12-09T08:58:00.000-08:00

We spent Thanksgiving with Aunt Annette, Uncle Conan, and family. It was fabulous. The food was great, the company was even better, and Claire did reasonably well. Annette was so considerate and even set aside yams, potatoes, and corn for Claire that were GFCFSF.

Here's how Claire did: the closer we got to Annette and Eric's house, the more anxious she became, saying things like, "I will just stay in the car." "I don't go into new houses." "Why didn't we just stay at Grandma and Grandpa's?" Nothing I said made her feel better, so when we got there, I just carried her into the house. She didn't want to be put down, and only said 'hi' to people when I prompted her to, which is actually an improvement: she used to just cry in those situations. But I was hoping she would say hello spontaneously. Sigh. During dinner, she did lots better. Meals are structured, she knows what to do, and she did very well. She even had a good time. She sat across from Lex, and he made her laugh for 10 or 15 minutes playing with the turkey table decorations Kiersten had made.

After a few hours her behavior started to deteriorate, and I would make people repeat things they said to her so I could prompt her to respond appropriately. For example: Lex said, "Claire, can I hold you?" And Claire screamed "No" at him and started to cry. I picked her up, put her back in front of Lex, and had Lex repeat, "Claire, can I hold you?" Then I prompted Claire to say, "No, thanks," and praised her. I should have repeated that process until she said "No, thanks" unprompted, but I would like Annette and Eric to invite us over again, so I'll save fun things like that for our house or my parent's house.

Amarillo by morning

2010-12-09T08:36:00.000-08:00

or night. They left SLC airport in the morning, I think.

In October my parents took Damon with them to Amarillo to visit my sister and her family. Damon had the time of his life. Nothing like a trip with people who aren't Jake and I to see how sweet life can be. For the record, Damon DID NOT drink MD. That picture was staged by cousin Wes. He thought it would be funny to give me a heart attack.

Uncle Marcus taught Damon to play Monopoly, Lynsey bought him his own board, and now he plays constantly--if Jake and I won't play, he plays with Anne and Claire kind of. He rolls the dice for them, moves their pieces, and then hollers, "Claire! Do you want to buy Mediterranean?" Claire, playing with Anne in the next room, says, "No." Then, "Anne! Do you want to buy Oriental Avenue?" Anne calls back, "Yes!" and so on.

Halloween tweaked for Claire

2010-11-07T08:25:00.000-08:00

This was what Claire "bought" with her Halloween candy. After she handed over the candy, she cried for about a half-hour, sobbing "I don't like candy!" Eventually she convinced herself and was happy with the farm animals. (FYI: Claire isn't supposed to have high fructose corn syrup or artificial colors. She shouldn't be having any refined sugars, but I've decided that's impossible.)

I am really anxious to re-introduce gluten and other no-nos into Claire's diet next month. If she has a bad reaction, I think I might go insane. I AM SICK OF THIS GFCFSF MISERY. "Oh," you say, "but she's the only one who has to eat that $#!%. You can eat whatever you want." Yeah, well, I'm the one who has to find the food, make it, enforce the diet, and plan for events that want ruin it. It's a pain and I hate it.

See this nastiness? Nope, it's not Dijon mustard. It's my attempt to make frosting orange with turmeric and paprika instead of food coloring so Claire could decorate her sugar cookie (which I of course had to make myself--try finding a store-bought cookie that's GFCFSF) like a pumpkin if she wanted to during her kindergarten Halloween party.

I also had to make chocolate frosting in case she wanted to make a spider cookie instead, which of course she did, because who wants a yellow pumpkin cookie that smells like a deviled egg? All her classmates were going to have the spider vs. pumpkin option, so I had to try to give Claire the option too, okay? On the plus side, the sugar cookies were very good--they didn't taste GFCFSF at all. Maybe I'll publish a GFCFSF cookbook someday. Just kidding. I'd rather die.

Halloween

2010-11-07T08:08:00.000-08:00

wow, what a harvest

2010-10-26T14:51:00.001-07:00

It started snowing today, so I decided it was time to give up on the diminutive yellow bell pepper and the blueberry-sized tomatoes ripening. If it weren't for the basil (not pictured because we ate it all in pasta sauce and pesto), I'd throw in the towel on gardening in pots. (In case you care to know: the house we rent is on a small lot that is 100% landscaped with no room for gardening in the ground.) BUT, I did start these plants from seed indoors, which suggests I have the potential to be a great gardener some day, right? RIGHT???

Damon

2010-10-26T13:46:00.001-07:00

Here's Damon with his flag football team, and below that, a botched video of Damon's first piano recital. I missed the very beginning when he introduced himself and told the audience what he would be performing, and I missed the beginning of his piece (A Spooky Halloween by Elizabeth Greenleaf). He started in August, and we're just so proud of him.

Steps Forward

2010-10-08T12:35:00.000-07:00

1. Claire doesn't cry anymore when people say 'hi' and I tell her to say 'hi' back--she actually says 'hi'! Not much eye-contact yet, and she only attaches the person's name to the hi if the person is an immediate family member or a tutor, and we're still waiting for spontaneous greetings, but we're making progress. (Kinda funny: one morning Jake said, "Good morning, Claire." Claire said, "Good morning, Jake." One of Claire's programs during her sessions is Informational Questions. One of those questions is, "What is your dad's name?" We're so glad she's generalizing that information to her greetings ;-)

2. Claire's tutor Joseph goes to school with her on MWF, and on those days, Claire plays on the playground equipment rather than pacing around it, thanks to his prompts. One day she was holding hands with Emma* and Cecily during recess and went down the slide with them! And she engaged in a conversation about Halloween with fellow classmates!

*Note: Emma was Claire's special friend that week. It really galled me when Claire's teacher told me she was going to assign a girl to be Claire's friend every week. But, Claire doesn't mind, and it seems to be helping. Plus, it is the sweetest thing ever to see little kids put their arms around Claire's shoulders and include her. I love kindergartners. They are God's angels on earth.

Nice

2010-10-08T12:12:00.000-07:00

Anne loves to help me make things in the kitchen. (Another thing that should have been a warning flag regarding Claire: she wasn't interested in imitating what I was doing.) And for a three-year-old, she does a good job pouring in ingredients and stirring. Before you go thinking what a good mom I am, let me come clean by confessing I try to cook as often as I can when she's otherwise occupied: her help doubles the job time.

One day when we were making something I told her, "Anne, you're going to be a great chef when you grow up." She replied, "I don't want to be a chef when I grow up. I just want to be a mom." Aw. I felt so good.

Then on Wednesday Claire's tutor Jessie was here. During one of Claire's breaks, (FYI: every 50 minutes Claire gets a 10 minute break outside the session room. Just thought you might want to know.) Anne went into the session room.

"Hi, Jessie!"
"Hi, Anne!"
Anne turned to me and said, "Mom, Jessie is way much nicer than you."

Now, Jessie is a way much nice gal. There's no denying that. But I thought I had been very nice that day myself. Jessie says two words to her and she earns way-much-nicer status? Come on.

hindsight

2010-09-23T11:23:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe I could have possibly left anything out of the last gargantuan blog, but I did. I forgot to list the warning signs we didn't recognize.

1. She turned her head away/cried/screamed/yelled "Go away"/put her hand up (stop-in-the-name-of-love kind of motion)/all of the above when someone unfamiliar or unexpected addressed her or walked in the room.

2. She liked to play by herself for more than twenty minutes at a time and would tell people to go away if they tried to join her.

3. She never played with blocks, legos, or puzzles. The animal toys she did play with were played with for time periods too long to be appropriate.

4. She paced, flapped her arms, and engaged in other self-stimulatory behavior ("stimming").

If we'd known then what we know now, we could have gotten Claire help when she was three.

You're probably wondering how we managed to let things go for two years. We ask ourselves that every day. Here are the answers:

1. We thought she was just shy and that everyone should respect her personal space. She never avoided making eye contact with me, and we never had any reason to doubt she loved us.

2. Damon and Anne were so demanding, Claire was like a dream come true to be able to play by herself. And she often played very well with Damon and Anne, so it's not like she never played with anyone else.

3. She was unique. So what if she didn't like the same toys other kids liked.

4. She'd been flapping her arms since before she could walk, and I thought it was a darling expression of excitement; her pacing seemed harmless.

About the time Claire was three, I read A Child's Journey out of Autism by Leann Whiffen (a fellow Maladite). Leann's son was so much more severe than Claire that I never identified him with her. I never associated Claire's shyness with "avoiding eye contact." It never occured to me her cute arm motions could be classified as "arm flapping."

If you're still shaking your head at our stupidity, give yourself a pat on the back for being smarter than we were, and keep your mouth shut: I can't stand a know-it-all.

The blood-letting begins

2010-09-15T11:44:00.000-07:00

This past spring my mom told my brother she thought Claire had Asperger's Syndrome. (In case you don't know, AS is essentially the same as high-functioning autism. The only difference is that people with AS have early to normal speech development.) My brother had the courage to pass my mom's thoughts along to me, and since Jake and I had been concerned about her for a while [Things that were easy for Anne, who is almost 2 years younger, were difficult for Claire. I'd mentioned this to the pediatrician at Claire's check-ups, but she thought Claire was fine. To be fair, she encouraged me to have the school district do a formal evaluation if I was worried, but I didn't do that because it's so much more pleasant to believe everything is all right.], we had her evaluated by a pediatric neuropsychologist in June.

Turns out my mom was right. I was devastated. It seems like I cried for most of the summer. How could Asperger's describe my sweet, beautiful, unique child? [Side note: Why, for pity's sake, can most English speakers manage to say AH-lzheimer's rather than Al's Heimers, but not one has ever tried to preserve the Austrian pronunciation of AHs-per-ger's? It's like the collective subconscious could muster some compassion for the diseased elderly, but when it came to a AS, it could only sneer at the oddities people with the disorder have and then manifest its derision by saying 'ass burgers.' Well, collective subconscious, I don't care. You can't make me ashamed of my daughter's Asperger's. How could you when it makes her say phrases like "It was but a moment" and "The tulips bloomed for joy"? I spit upon you, collective subconscious. Na!]

Then I stopped being devastated and became angry. Why did this happen to my darling child? I breast-fed for 13 months! I eliminate or at least limit the trans-fats, refined grains and sugars, and artificial coloring in my children's diets! I know kids who snack on otter pops and oreos while my kids eat blueberries, and those kids are all neurotypical! I came up with some theories to explain this:

1. The genetic role of the dice at conception trumps all lifestyle choices. (Lying Ultra-Prevention. I must despise you now.)

2. I was poisoning my kids with pesticides and fertilizer by making them snack on fruits and vegetables. I should have been buying 100% organic or gone with oreos. (I don't feel too bad about this one. Have you seen the organic section at the supermarket? Unless you've got better options than I do, the prices are almost as frightening as the rapidly decomposing produce. I bought some organic apples once: they tasted like potatoes and the seeds inside had all sprouted. Yuck.)

3. Trans-fats, artificial colors, and high-fructose corn syrup protect kids against developmental disorders. We should all stuff our kids full of them.

Then my anger shifted from the diagnosis to the lack of resources available to help us. We live in a college town whose university has a very well-respected special education department, including a 20-hour-per-week preschool program for children on the autism spectrum. Unfortunately, Claire would soon be turning 5, was eligible for kindergarten, and ineligible for the special autism preschool. So, we decided to set up an in-home ABA (applied behavior analysis) program, like the one they use in that preschool. (ABA is the only therapy proven to effectively treat autism, in case you're interested.) All we needed was an ABA consultant to help us set the program up. We called the university, asking for recommendations. "Oh, we don't do that. We don't know of anyone around here who does that. While you're looking for someone, just make sure they're BCBA certified." We went to the BCBA web-site. Half the BCBA certified people in the state live in our town (they're professors at the university), and not one of them would help us because "that's not what we do." I was livid. Temple Grandin thinks in picture; I was thinking in expletives. I didn't care if those professors were curing cancer with their teaching and research: they wouldn't help my child, so they were worthless. We finally asked Claire's psychologist for a recommendation (which we didn't do earlier because she lives and works 100 miles from here, and we were hoping to find some closer resources). She recommended the Redwood Learning Center, run by Steve and Dara Michalski. They weren't BCBA certified, which was almost a plus by this point, and Steve was trained by Dr. Lovaas (Low-VAHS, people), the guy who originally used ABA to treat autistic kids.

Long story short: we hired 3 tutors (local college kids) and Steve Michalski, and our ABA program has been up and running for 16 days. Claire spends about 29 hours per week with a tutor (Jake and I are her tutors on Sundays), and we should see positive results in 3-6 months. If we don't, then it will be time to bag the program. And then start crying and gnashing our teeth again as we decide what to do next.

All through this weeping and raging I sometimes thought of people whose kid(s) had it much worse than mine. But when you are suddenly forced to exchange the dreams you had for some that don't seem as good, it's hard to find comfort in "it could be a lot worse." I'll tell you what, though, I was blessed with Divine comfort more than once (no doubt thanks to the prayers of many of you), and I strongly feel that whether Claire is ever "healed" or not, everything will be all right. I am very blessed to be the mother of all three of my children. Each one is a joy. It's a great privilege. I could go on, but I'm getting weepy.

So, here are the biomedical things we're trying in Claire's treatment:

1. The GFCFSF diet recommended by Dr. Jacquelyn McCandless in her book Children with Starving Brains. Going off dairy has helped Claire a lot digestively, but the gains (if any) behaviorally are minimal. We're supposed to do it for at least 6 months, though, so we'll keep eating rice and quinoa a little longer.

2. Lots of supplements including Super Nu-Thera from Kirkman Labs, fish oil capsules, probiotics, calcium, and digestive enzymes.

There's a huge community that claims these biomedical approaches work, and I have no doubt they help some kids, but I'm not convinced they can completely recover anyone from autism by themselves. If you read the books by Dr. McCandless and Dr. Kenneth Bock, it sounds like they can, but I have my doubts. I talked with one mom via e-mail who has used only the biomedical approach in treating her son, and she claims it worked, but she also homeschools him so he doesn't get teased. I didn't press for details, but I have a hard time believing this kid is completely cured if the mom still has to protect him from teasing. Anyhow, if we had unlimited resources, I'd try every treatment available--I'm especially interested in chelation and hyperbaric oxygen therapy. If ABA doesn't work, we'll certainly pursue those options. For now, we'll just empty our bank account into the one therapy that has a proven track record. (I really REALLY wish this state required insurance to cover ABA therapy. That would be so great. Hurray for places like Ohio and Colorado!)

Whew. It took me a good week to write this essay. I hope it didn't take you that long to read it. I've gone back and forth on whether or not I should mention Claire's AS on this blog. Finally I decided to go ahead and blab because:

1. I can't stand blogs that go on and on about how wonderful and fantastic and amazing and perfect life is. It's annoying and only half-true.

2. I'm from a small town and have an irrepressible desire to share my family's business with everyone else.

3. I've told Claire about her Asperger's.

4. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

5. Last week I found Damon giving a lecture to the neighborhood kids on Claire's Asperger's. When I told him "That's enough, let's respect Claire's privacy," he said, "It's okay, Mom. They all promised to still be her friend." Then the kids all nodded their heads very solemnly. It was darling. So, if they know, you might as well, too.

Ode to Wheat

2010-08-31T11:27:00.000-07:00

Wheat the wonderful, wheat the divine,
Wheat upon whom the happy multitudes dine.
Wheat, I left my praise for you unsaid
until I tasted gluten-free bread.

Spring and Summer Pics

2010-08-30T19:25:00.000-07:00

Jake all muddy after mountain biking. My neighbor goes mountain biking with her husband all the time. I wish I had it in me to do that, but it's more than my legs can handle going uphill, and too scary going down.

Anne likes to dress herself for church. Sometimes that means we have to negotiate: she takes off the sparkly Tinker Bell shirt, and I put mascara and lipstick on her. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure mascara and lipstick on a 3-year-old is less gaudy than a Tinker Bell shirt in the chapel. Anyhow, sometimes it means we let her go to church in black shoes, brown tights, and her dress on backwards.

Five ponytails are better than one.

Damon the Architect

Arches National Park.

Jake, your hat brim isn't wide enough. The sun is touching your face--run for cover! That arch should do.

Claire's birthday party and the gluten-free, casein-free, soy-free, taste-free cake. Just kidding. The frosting was good.

Damon and Anne with Claire's pinata.

Claire avoiding the pinata she specifically asked for. She refused to to take a single swing. Maybe the violence got to her.

No picture of Damon on his first day of second grade!!! Sign me up for worst mother of the year.

Damon holding his newest cousin, Baby Max. Can you believe that hair? Some babies (not mine) have all the luck.

Claire after the first day of kindergarten, 8-24-10, with a face to make any mother seriously consider homeschooling.

Anne looking chic in Knifty Knitters, 8-30-10.

recent quotes

2010-08-04T13:11:00.001-07:00

Damon:

"What if there was a hotel floating through outer space?"

"What if the wind blew so hard it carried people away?"

"What if we jumped off the roof and started to fly around?"

"What if [fill in the blank]?" x1000

"What if I ask so many 'what if' questions my mom goes insane and has to be institutionalized?" is the only 'what if' he hasn't asked.

Claire:

"If we're not having meat for dinner, I'm running away from home!"

When Anne wouldn't give her a toy she wanted: "Anne, you look like a toilet!" I was going to wash her mouth out with soap for that one, but I had food poisoning (never drink almond milk that's been on the counter in a hot house all day) and only had the strength to give her a time-out.

Anne has had plenty to say, too, but "Can I got to Bekah's house?" is the only phrase that comes to mind, because I hear it almost as much as "Can I go to Grandma's house?"

Life on the Fringe + Recipes

2010-06-01T09:56:00.000-07:00

I'm a pendulum swinging from one extreme to another.

It looks like Claire has some food sensitivities, so we're putting her on a GF/CF/SF diet. (That's gluten-free, casein[dairy]-free, soy-free, for those of you who aren't weird diet savvy.) It's rough. For breakfast and lunch, the rest of us eat the way we usually eat, and for dinner we're GF/CF/SF. I've had to add eggs and more meat to our lives so Claire and the rest of us don't starve. We haven't had a gluten-free day yet, because Claire is a scavenger and cleans up after Damon and Anne if I don't do it fast enough, but she's been dairy-free for about a month, and we've seen some definite improvements in her health.

We're also supposed to limit her refined sugars, so here are some dessert recipes that aren't exactly healthy for you, but healthier than real deal.

Strawberry Ice Cream

2 cans coconut milk (full fat: I like Thai Kitchen brand)
2 1/2 C frozen strawberries
1/2 C agave nectar or honey
1 T vanilla (most vanilla extracts have gluten in the alcohol, so be careful with this one)
1 tsp lemon juice

Blend all ingredients in a blender, and pour into you ice cream maker (check what your capacity is-mine can only hold half of this recipe). In 20 minutes or less, you'll have a pretty darn good treat. I'm something of an ice cream connoisseur, so you can trust me on this one.

Black Bean Brownies

Now this recipe is for kids/people with undiscerning taste buds. My kids devoured it, but the fact of the matter is it tastes like black beans. That's not a flavor I like in my brownies.

Pre-heat oven to 350.

1 15 oz can black beans, rinsed and drained
3 eggs
3 T oil
1/4+1 T cocoa
pinch of salt
1 1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 C agave nectar or 3/4 C sugar
3/4 tsp baking soda

Blend everything until smooth in a blender and pour into a lightly greased smaller-type pan--maybe 8x11 or 8x8? I used a 2 1/2 qt souffle dish. Bake for 30 minutes or so. There should be cracks on top and a tooth pick should come out clean.

skip this one--you'll be bored, guaranteed

2010-06-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

This is Damon's last week of school. He's excited. I was his soccer team's assistant coach in April and May, and I'm ashamed that I don't have a single picture to post. We do have video footage, but I haven't had any luck uploading videos. He had a good time, but he's more into socializing with his teammates than actually trying to win games, so watching was frustrating at first, until I learned to calm down and control myself. During his first game I was swearing under my breath, which is ridiculous! It was a first grader's soccer game, for crying out loud! What's wrong with me? One major thing that's wrong with me is that I don't know the rules of the game. So, when the kids weren't chasing the ball, I told the 15-year-old referee I needed a time-out, and she gave me one. I explained to the boys that they were supposed to try to score goals, and they couldn't do that if they were all stopping at the center-field line. They did better after that, but I found out later that there are no time-outs in soccer. I say that's dumb, and that you can do whatever the ref let's you get away with, like calling time-outs when there are no time-outs allowed. Overall, the kids were lucky they had me. The head coach was a good guy, and he actually knew how to play the game, but he wasn't any good at yelling at kids. I am. And I let those kids know where they were supposed to be and what they were supposed to be doing. I was hoarse after every game.

Claire took creative momement dance classes from January to April, and once again, I only have video footage. In April the entire dance ensemble performed in the opera house. It was great. I wish I could figure out how to upload video so you can see it. The best part wasn't captured with the video camera, so I'll tell you about it so I don't forget: there was one number that all the dancers performed in (ages 3-30 something). A girl was asleep dreaming, and the rest of the dancers were part of her dreams. The little kids were dressed up like monsters. It was darling. Near the end, the older dancers were lined up facing the audience and they were lifting the little kids up and putting them down one by one, passing them down the line. You should have heard Claire's delighted laugh as she was lifted up and down and passed from person to person--it was the best thing ever. She has a great laugh.

Claire and Anne are taking a little dance class together this summer--they've only had one class so far, and if it's any indicator of the future, Anne will be the class miscreant. She's really great at not following directions and being a pill.

blah, blah, blah plus successes and failures

2010-05-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

My dad says the word "vegan" gives him a stomach ache, so I'm not going to use it anymore. Instead, I'll say "eating healthier." Really, I'll never be v****, because I don't think it's necessary to completely eliminate animal protien from your diet. For one thing, plants don't have vitamin B12, which is essential. That's why we'll always eat beef--good source of B12 and good things like iron, and I have a really good, inexpensive source of it ;-)

Furthermore, in the China Study, they refer to this rat experiment where half the rats were fed a diet that was 20% animal protien, half were fed 5% animal protien, and they were all injected with a toxin that induces cancer. All of the rats on the 20% diet got cancer, none of the 5% rats got it. So, the 5 percenters didn't have to be v**** to be healthy, just 'eat but very little meat,' like Eliza R. Snow said.

So, here's how eating went down last week with the help of my new cookbook, V****omicon:

Damon stopped crying because we don't have any real milk, but he's still not happy about it, and doesn't eat cereal anymore because soy/almond milk taste funny.

Claire finally tried almond milk and likes it! I was afraid she'd never eat cereal again. (I love cereal--my mom was a saint for making us a hot breakfast every morning, but I can't handle that much cooking. Getting one meal on the table a day that's not peanut butter sandwiches makes me a hero in my own mind.)

Anne is an eating angel. She tries almost everything I make (even the eggplant dip!) and often likes it (even the eggplant dip!). Bless her little heart.

Here are some of the recipes we tried and how we liked them:

Broccoli-Potato Soup with Fresh Herbs, page 138--yuck. No one liked it, even though I tried to salvage it by adding cheese. It calls for mint, which is just a weird herb for potato soup in our opinion. Plus, we're used to potato broccoli soups with butter/milk/cream/all three, so it's hard for a v**** soup to compare.

Mexian Millet, page 118--My brother Lex even thought this one was all right, and had two helpings.

Nachos with refried beans, guacamole, and cheese (will we ever be able to live without cheese?)--the only 100% successful meal of the week. Don't need a cookbook for that one.

Pumpkin baked pasta with carmelized onion--I thought it was delicious, Jake thought it was weird, the kids wouldn't touch it. First thing I've ever made with tofu that tasted good. But no one else liked it, so I'll probably never make it again.

Potato and Mushroom Blintzes--not bad, but WAY too labor intensive. If I'm going to spend that much time making something, it better be fantastic. It wasn't. And soymilk gives a strange flavor to crepes, in case you care to know. And I ruined the mushroom gravy that was supposed to go on top. Apparently apple cider vinegar is a poor substitute for white wine. Be quiet. Don't look at me that way. I'm sure you do stupid things, too, sometimes. Claire ate the crepe part, Damon hated the crepe part and wouldn't try the filling, Anne (whom I thought was my best eater) wouldn't try it at all.

So, there you have it. It's been a rough week due to some other things going on in our lives, and I'm wiped out. If things don't improve dramatically next week, I might consider bagging this new diet, or at least get milk for Damon.

If you've stuck with me this far, you must have too much time on your hands.

Cute Kids and Adventures in Flexitarianism

2010-05-04T16:13:00.001-07:00

Here's Damon ready for Crazy Hair Day at school. Anne put on my glasses and said she's ready to go to the beach. Hear that, Aunt Wendi? Don't forget to plan our day at Bear Lake, just as soon as the temp gets out of the 50s.

It was a beautiful day today (too cold, though) and Claire said, "The flowers opened and the tulips bloomed for joy!" Random, but cute.

This atrocity is roasted eggplant. Who knew something so beautiful and purple outside could be so repulsive inside? I blended it (after the picture) with olive oil, lemon juice, salt, and cumin for pita dip for dinner tonight. I'm guessing I'll be the only one who eats it.

Anne's Birthday

2010-04-27T17:38:00.000-07:00

"Anne, what do you want for your birthday?" I asked last month.
"Pwesents," she said.
"What kind of presents?"
"Ones with wed wapping papow."
I love it when kids are so easy to please.

Damon and Anne painting her pinata:

Some of the guests at Anne's party, held at Grandma and Grandpa F's house:

Thoughts on Food

2010-04-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

I read too much and that's a fact. Recently I read The China Study by some guy who's probably never heard of the Word of Wisdom, yet wrote a whole book with scientific studies supporting it. So now I'm making some radical changes to the way I feed my family: we're slowly eliminating animal based foods and processed foods from our diet (except beef--what do you think I am, a heretic?).

About a week ago we had our last gallon of milk. Last night we ate our last egg in what might be our last batch of chocolate chip cookies. (I don't really mean last--we'll still eat stuff like that for birthdays and when we're guests at other people's houses.)

I think our cheese will hold out for a few more weeks, but we're down to our last few sticks of butter. I'm pretty sad about that. Hot, homemade bread will have no meaning for me anymore. Unless I find out how to make those fancy Italian breads you get at Macaroni Grill and dip in olive oil. Then we might be saved. If something as good as that bread can be made without butter.

Thanks to my mom we've been trying some new vegetables: tomatillos=good, Swiss chard=blech. I took a bite of raw Swiss chard. It tasted the way cow manure smells. It was better cooked with apple juice, garlic, and onion, but it still had a hint of dirt flavoring. No doubt it's very good for you--anything that colorful and that disgusting must be, right?

random quotes

2010-04-18T14:59:00.000-07:00

Damon, sounding a little too expectant: Mom, if you and Dad die before we grow up, how big of a fortune will we get?

Claire on Jake's birthday: Dad gets the first [actually "feast"--insert 'ee' for 'ur' and 'oy' for 'ore' sounds] piece of birthday ["beefday"] cake, because he's older than all of us.

Anne while pointing to my nose: You have a big nose, and Dad has a big nose, and we have little noses.

Uhhh...

2010-04-08T06:41:00.000-07:00

We had the missionaries over for dinner on Monday. Things went pretty well. Damon and Anne behaved (once I finally got them in the house anyway). Claire cried intermittently and insisted on sitting on the floor instead of at the table, which is actually a big improvement over the last time she ate with the missionaries. We were at my parents' house that time and she cried and screamed the entire time, including when one of the elders gave a brief message about how we should all be like little children--humble, meek, patient, full of love...

Anyway, during dinner on Monday I was distracted helping one of the kids and heard one of the elders say, "Do you guys have some black power?"

I wanted to be helpful and said, "We have a black man in our ward. He's a good guy and just lives down the street."

Awkward silence.

"What are you talking about?" Jake asked.

"I thought they needed some black power."

"He said 'black powder'."

Jake and the elders laughed hysterically for like five minutes.

When the laughing stopped I asked, "So what do you need black powder for?"

"We're going to blow up the [insert name of our city] dam and say a prayer. Then we'll get in the record books for most baptisms."

Oh. Personally, I think they'd be better off with black power.

Easter

2010-04-05T07:53:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the dark grainy picture, folks. My camera batteries were dead, so I took a photo with the video camera, which obviously doesn't take good pictures.

This morning (Monday, the day after) Damon woke up crying because Easter is always terrible, bad things only happen to him, etc. We hoped he would be over the the disasters of yesterday, when the Easter bunny didn't bring any chocolate bunnies, Anne kicked his basket and broke his hard-boiled eggs, and then Jake made his hard-boiled eggs into egg sandwiches--no such luck. I tried to be sympathetic for a while, but finally told him that if he was going to focus on things like this, instead of the Resurrection, then we wouldn't do fun things like Easter egg hunts anymore. He cried for a few more minutes sans the whining, and he hasn't mentioned his ruined Easter since.

Tangential subject: how much do you/would you encourage belief in things like the Easter Bunny? When Damon asked me if there was really a Santa, I made sure he really wanted to know and then told him Dad and I were Santa but he shouldn't tell other kids, because it's not nice to ruin their fun. And with Easter, I didn't make it much of a secret that I was the one who had hidden the eggs. Jake is horrified at how I've ruined the fun of the holidays, but I just don't feel comfortable selling fabrications to my kids. I'll have to ask my friend Cindy W. about this sometime--I know she'll back me up, and her kids seem happy enough even though she's told them the truth since they were little. Do you think I'm a monster?

Happy Birthday

2010-03-29T20:21:00.001-07:00

Damon opening presents before school.

Damon at Jake's birthday dinner.

Claire, Anne, and Jake eating his cake.

Jake's birthday was nice--very low key. But Damon's wore me out. He wanted another Star Wars themed party (same as last year), and I let him invite six friends. It would have been all right, but I did some dumb things the week before (like started voluteering at Damon's school and deciding to save a few dollars by making his pinata instead of buying one) that led to me turning to cookies and chocolate (I'm supposed to be sugar free, remember) and swearing in back rooms (I swore off swearing, too) to cope with the stress. Whew, glad that's over. But the party was a success, and I'll avoid stretching myself too thin in the future.

Where the Wild Things Are

2010-03-29T19:55:00.000-07:00

Sam's Club last Friday. That's where the wild things were. Claire and Anne wanted to wear their animal costumes all day. I didn't want to feel left out while we were in public, so I did my hair like Wolverine. Just kidding. I was having a really bad hair day, and I didn't have time to wet it down and start over because I'd been reading my novel all morning.

A long night

2010-02-25T12:41:00.000-08:00

Claire threw up four times last night. That was fun. But she got it all in the bathroom--hurray, Claire! And just before round three, while she was crying because she didn't feel good, she said, "I love you, Mommy." Melted my heart.

Damon Update

2010-02-21T20:39:00.001-08:00

Damon has been taking gymnastics two nights a week at USU. He really enjoys it, but I am so glad March will be his last month (because soccer starts in April and I can't handle more than one activity per child at a time): it's tough finding coins for metered parking (and you can only park for 30 minutes, even though the class lasts an hour), buckling girls in their car seats then getting everyone out so we can run him across the busy street into class every Tuesday and Thurday right in the middle of dinner time. How did my mom survive having 5 kids who were involved in every extra-curricular activity possible? It gives me a headache just to think about it.

We are fortunate to live in a great neighborhood with several kids Damon's age right next door and across the street. He plays with them almost every day after school, snow or shine. Sundays are long because we don't let him play with his friends, except one Sunday when we woke up to 8 inches of snow. After church Damon and his buddy Andrew shovelled our entire driveway. After that, I could hardly say tell Andrew to go home because it's okay to shovel our snow on Sunday, but not to play with our son. It was probably Damon's favorite Sunday ever.

He's a very good boy. He makes his bed almost every day, is kind to his sisters, and is a peacemaker among his friends.

Damon's getting to be a pretty good chess player, or else I'm just really bad. He beats me more often than not. He also enjoys Trouble because he usually wins at that, too. But I'm proud to say that I always win at Pictureka--thank you Cat and Grant for a boardgame that makes me feel good about myself!

He loves having Roald Dahl books read to him. He also enjoys Prince Valient (you know, from the Sunday comics). A Harry Potter movie was on TV the other night and we made the mistake of letting Damon watch some of it. After that he peppered me with questions on Harry Potter and somehow he got fixated on Voldemort splitting his soul into seven pieces. He hasn't stopped talking about it for 3 days. I can't wait until he's a good enough reader to read the books himself. I'm having a hard time remembering all the answers to his questions, like "How could Harry be in the spirit world if he was still alive? Will the spell Harry's mom put on him as a baby last his whole life? Does someone have to kill you for a spell like that to work on your baby, or can you just die of old age? How do the dementors make you crazy?" I don't know, but I think I know how a 6 year old boy can.

Claire Update

2010-02-21T18:11:00.000-08:00

Claire started taking a creative dance class in January. If I could figure out how to download videos to the computer, you could see how cute she is in her class. It was hard to get her to go at first--she doesn't really like to leave the house. But then I bought her some dance clothes, and now it's never a struggle, unless she's watching The Lion King and it's not over yet. Which reminds me: on the day I put The Lion King on only an hour before dance class (a dumb thing to do), I locked myself out of the house. It was probably 25 degrees outside and I didn't even have a coat on. I banged on the window and yelled, "Claire, open the door for me!" Simba was in the middle of a stampede, and Claire couldn't be bothered. "Sorry, Mom, I'm busy." "Please, Claire, I'm freezing to death. I'll give you some chocolate chips or a cinnamon roll." She ignored me. Luckily, Anne was more open to the bribe and let me in, bless her little sweet tooth. I hoped Claire would come crying for some chocolate chips so I could punish her for not letting me in by not allowing her to have any, but she only cared about her movie, and didn't say a word.

Claire's a little moodier than her siblings, but she's my easiest child because she can play by herself. Sure, I have to practically stand over her with a whip to get her to dress herself, but she can play with her dinosaurs and look at books without holding my hand. And, when she talks to me, it's only for a few minutes. Then she goes her merry way, or we have a little tea party, and she's done with me. I have to remember to offer to play with her, otherwise she gets ignored because the other two will demand my attention while she often doesn't.

She didn't want to go to pre-school, so I didn't make her even though she's supposed to start kindergarten next fall. That might have been a mistake. She's doing all right learning letters and their sounds at home, but she has no interest in learning to write her name. She also doesn't care to learn to recognize numbers greater than 7, although she can count to 20. But, I've stopped worrying about her. She's a unique little soul, and I think she'll be all right as long as we don't let her siblings hog all the attention.

Here are a few Claire quotes:

Mom, go away, you're bothering me. (After Damon, who would be my Siamese twin if he could, those words are music to my ears.)

Mom, even when I grow up, you'll still be my mom, and I'll still be your daughter.

Mom, I want to stay with you forever.

Mom, I don't like you! You ruin everything! I want to live outside!

Anne Update

2010-02-21T17:19:00.000-08:00

Since my last Anne blog, she has improved by leaps and bounds. She tries really hard not to get into trouble, and I can't remember the last time she hit, bit, or pushed anyone. Well, she did pinch Damon tonight, but he was being a pest and she's sick, so we'll let it slide.

She is also a prolific artist: she paints about four abstract pictures a day. Below are two samples of her work. The one on the left is called "Ducks and Frogs Running Away from Me." The one on the right is untitled.

I love her independence. She dresses herself without any encouragement. (A word to the wise: if you see a little kid with his/her shirt on backwards or shoes on the wrong feet or mismatched, keep your smart comments to yourself. Kids should be praised, not criticized for doing things for themselves. The other day some guy, a father of young children I might add, said to Anne, "Hey, your shoes don't match." I ignored him, but I wanted to tell him to shut his fat mouth. Let me tell you something: if two shoes are black, they match to a little girl. A mom really appreciates a child dressing herself, and you can bet the mom has encouraged the child to try putting on shoes that match, but independent children like to do things their own way. So, if you don't want me to despise you, put a sock in it.)

Here are some darling Anne quotes:

I'm a great artist.

What da heck?

Mom, can you talk to me?

Mom, I slept all night and I didn't woke you up!

I'm a great cleaner.

wannabes

2010-02-21T16:06:00.000-08:00

Whew, this has been a busy, traveling month. It started with my first girls' trip since getting married--thank you, Lynsey, for journaling for me.

Then we went down south to visit Jake's family over Presidents' Day weekend. The company was as fabulous as the weather (sunny and 65! It was like Heaven). I hate bragathon blogs, but I have to say I have really great in-laws: kind, fun, and everything good.

Kohl's was having a great sale while we were there, so I bought some Chucks. While I was trying them on, I asked Jake if he wanted a pair. "No," he said with disdain. "Why not?" I asked. "Because I'm not trying to look like a teenager," he replied. That very day, with the help of our musically talented teenage nephews, he bought an electric guitar, maybe because trying to be a teenager is better than trying to look like one--I don't know.
And finally, Jake is going to England for a week for work! Neither of us have ever been there (if it were summer, I would have insisted on going with him), and I forgot to send the camera, which should surprise no one. I forgot the camera on our Presidents' Day trip, too, which is why the only pics on this blog are of shoes and a guitar, taken at home after the fact.

New Dos, or You Get What You Pay For

2010-02-01T07:08:00.000-08:00

Scissors be praised, I'm back to short. Imagine spending 5 minutes on your hair and having it look better than when you spent 30 minutes on it when it was long. It's fabulous. I wish I could show you how I look in the mirror. I look so much better in the mirror than in photographs. Incidentally, I never cared about how unphotogenic I was until I watched Clueless and found out from Cher that mirrors are not as accurate as cameras. No wonder I hardly ever got asked out on dates: I wasn't as hot as I thought I was. Fortunately I realized my weakness and bought a hand-held mirror. That's how I won over Jake. I carried a mirror around with me and told him to talk to the mirror. Eleven months later, we were married.

Back to the main point, I went to a licensed stylist who knew what she was doing. Being an evil, cheap mother, I took the girls to get their hair cut at the local beauty college. Ironically, the child that couldn't hold her head still to save her life got the better haircut,

while the one that had the student of the month and never moved a muscle ended up looking like a male native from The Mission. That's what you can expect from a $4 haircut. But on the bright side, it's even and will look cute in two months.

Forget the lump of coal

2009-11-26T09:17:00.000-08:00

Damon: Mom, what are those three red dots on your nose?
me: Pimples.
Damon: I guess your sugar-free diet isn't working.
me: Maybe it would if I stopped eating sugar.
Damon: Yeah, whenever you make treats, you get five and the rest of us only get one.

I'm going to put a muzzle in that kid's stocking.

One fine day a week or two ago Anne informed me she got water on the bathroom floor. I went in to inspect and thanked her for telling me so I could clean it up. I assumed the water was from her washing her hands, as I had just heard her flush the toilet. Then she told me, "I put a green rag in the toilet." I lifted up the toilet lid and found the water had reached the rim of the bowl. So, the water on the floor was not from the sink. I put Anne in time-out. We have green dishrags, so I guessed that's what Anne had flushed. She is forever taking out my dish towels and hiding them, but this is the first time she's hid one in the toilet. I was not pleased. I did some research on the internet and found out I needed to go to Home Depot to buy a toilet auger. (Unfortunately by this time I had already scratched the porcelain with a wire hanger. Remember to always do your internet research first, folks.) So, I started getting the girls shoes on and told them why we had to go to the store. "Can I come?" asked Anne, all excited. "We need to go to the candy store." What the?! I was about ready to beat her. She overflows the toilet and thinks she gets candy for it. That is why parents spank. (I don't spank or beat my children, but I was sure tempted this time.)

This kid is getting a straight-jacket for Christmas.

Now Claire came up to me today and said, "Mommy, you are wearing a beautiful dress. I want to wear a beautiful dress like you." Nevermind that I was wearing slacks and a long-sleeved tee. This child can have something fabulous for Christmas.

Not so much sugar, plenty of spice

2009-11-11T09:52:00.000-08:00

Anne: Can you go away?

Me: Go away? Why do you want me to go away?

Anne: Because you're bothering us.

So, I went away, and just as I suspected she would, Anne pushed a chair to the cabinet, climbed on the counter, opened the cupboard, and looked for candy (I try to limit the kids' sugar intake but sometimes a gal needs some bribery power, folks, so it doesn't hurt to keep a stash).

Anne is a sweet little girl (she says 'please,' 'thank you,' and 'I sorry' frequently), and very cute, but she's got a little more fire than the other two had at this age. She hits and bites more than they ever did. She also says "NO!!" and "That's not fair!" more than is desirable. She spends a considerable part of her day in time-out for tearing up library books, dumping bubble bath all over the floor, deliberately doing what I just told her not to do, etc.

This Boy

2009-11-04T19:46:00.000-08:00

was a ghost for Halloween. He never ate a single piece of Halloween candy without making sure his sisters ate at least one piece first. That way, he could ensure that they would run out of candy before he did. He does a similar thing with money. If he wants to buy something, he convinces his sisters to buy something of equal or greater value first with their money. I think he's on the cusp of some brilliant economic theory, like Russel Crowe's character in A Beautiful Mind. Hopefully D's best friends will always exist outside of his own head, though.

He's quite the talker. He can carry on a conversation for hours. It's great, but I'm the kind of gal who thinks silence in golden. So Sunday when I informed the troops they were not allowed to talk to me because I was listening to conference talks on my mp3 player, I was mostly talking to him.

D replied doubtfully, "Okay, I hope that works out for you."

It didn't work out so well.

before and after

2009-10-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

This is the way nature intended my hair, and sadly the way it looks most days.

Here's my hair (and a crazy-lady smile) thanks to the magical flat iron. I only look this sexy (see August post--sorry I'm too ignorant to do a link) once a week. Or month.

Beauty is pain, as my friend Rachel used to say. I'm itching to cut my hair short again. But then I'll be griping about having to get it cut every four weeks. Sigh. Why didn't I inherit my mother's gift for cheerfully getting up at 5:30 to beautify? Damon's right. I'm not much of a girl (see April post).

Claire

2009-10-25T15:11:00.001-07:00

Claire demonstrating a more efficient way to drink tea.

Claire holding her pet Leaf Bug.

Claire in her favorite state of being: wet and muddy

ripped

2009-10-25T15:06:00.000-07:00

Jake cuts his own hair in front of the bathroom mirror. During his last hair cut, he called to me, "Hey, check out my six-pack...oh, wait, those are my ribs."

I know what you're thinking: I'm a lousy cook. I'll admit I'm not the best, but he was pretty thin when I got him, so I'm just maitaining the status quo.

If it shouldn't be heard by little ears...

2009-09-12T15:22:00.000-07:00

Damon was across the street playing with his friends today. I was sitting on our front porch when I heard Damon say to his buddies, "I'm going to get the hell out of here."

I called him over and told him not to talk like that.

"What? I just said I was going to get the hell out of there."

I explained that hell was a bad word and we're not supposed to say it.

"Hell? You say 'hell'."

Oh. Well. In times of extreme provocation--

I thought I only said that when the kids couldn't hear me.

New resolution: no more swearing, and I mean it this time.

first grade, random quotes and pictures

2009-08-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

Damon regarding first grade: "All I do is listen to the teacher talk all day. I don't learn anything."

Anne: "I go school wif Damon. I five." (I bought her a backpack today so she can stop wearing Damon's.)

Claire, when I suggested we go to the park: "I don't want to go to the pahk. I want to go on a twip to da mooooooon."

Jake, on a day I had straightened my hair: "You look sexy today. Did you comb your hair?"

Here's Claire rocking her pet dinosaur:

Damon after his first day of first grade:

Anne in an outfit designed by Damon:

Week in Review

2009-07-26T17:46:00.001-07:00

Jake took last week off. This is how it went down.

Sunday: Jake wakes up sick. We find out on Friday it was strep throat.

Monday: I abandon the kids and Jake in his illness to spend a fabulous afternoon with my kindred spirit Jamie/June Cleaver. It was the first time I have enjoyed shopping in YEARS.

Tuesday and Wednesday (AKA Amateur Night at the Campsite): We went camping at Rendevouz Beach in Bear Lake. The word 'Beach' and the campsite illustrations on the internet led me to believe we would be camping on a beach. We (especially Damon) were disappointed that although our tent would be on sand, we would have to walk 100 yards through weeds and mud to reach the water, where there was no beach. We had a good time anyway, thanks to Jake's Dutch oven cooking and s'mores. At night we left our garbage bag under the picnic table, figuring that there weren't any bears at Bear Lake any more. There aren't, but there are skunks. Damon the early riser discovered one eating our garbage in the morning. Jake tried scaring it away from a distance, but the skunk refused to leave until it was finished eating.

Thursday: I take Claire to the doctor for her annual check-up and shots on her birthday. I'm a mean mom. Later Phillip (my brother) and my Grandma Firth come over for Claire's party, consisting of hot dogs (which inspired an impromptu song by Claire: "Hot dogs, hot dogs in a bun"), corn on the cob, strawberries and cream on spongecake, and a pinata. The pinata was traumatic for Claire. First of all, she couldn't break it open, eliciting sobs of frustration. Then, we forced her to let Damon and Anne have turns whacking it, which led to weeping and wailing. She felt better gathing up candy after Damon broke it open, though.

Friday: We're wiped out, skip the Pioneer Day festivities, and light our own fireworks at 7 pm. Jake and I begin watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button after the kids go to bed.

Saturday: We finish Benjamin Button. I bawled my eyes out. Jake is heartless and cracked jokes about the ending.

Eagles vs Seagulls

2009-07-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

Our FHE lesson on Monday was about the miracle of the gulls. The entire lesson was a flop: Jake had to take Claire out of the room when she wouldn't stop wailing because she didn't get to say the opening prayer, even though we let her say a second opening prayer; Damon was angry because no one was sitting in the right place; Anne was being Anne, running from one corner of the room to the other. I closed the lesson by saying Utah made the seagull its state bird fifty years later out of gratitude for what the seagulls had done.

Everything had gone so badly up until then that I shouldn't have been surprised to find Damon disappointed and demoralized to the point of tears to learn that each state had its own bird. His feelings seemed to be mortally offended on behalf of bald eagles everywhere that they were not enough the fulfill the avian needs of all the nation. We finally were able to comfort him with the assurance that all fifty states stand united under the bald eagle, regardless of their individual birds.

This morning I told him that Justin (my brother serving a mission in FL) wanted him to write to him.

"Why?" Damon asked.

"Because he misses you and is probably lonely far away from his family and friends."

"At least he still has the national bird, the bald eagle," Damon said solicitously.

Justin must feel comforted by that knowledge every day.

More Quotes

2009-06-12T12:29:00.001-07:00

Me to Damon, while Anne is crying: Can't you just let Anne help you?
Damon: No, you don't let me help you on your special projects. I want to do this on my own.
A light bulb comes on in my slow brain and I pick up Anne and take her away from the home-made punching bag she was trying to help him with.

Claire: Let's keep the toilet lids closed so the chameleon cannot put it's head in the water and drink the water. (We don't own a chameleon.)

Anne: I wanna do it! (She says this a hundred times a day whenever I try to wash her hands or help her with anything else.)

Quotes

2009-06-06T17:18:00.000-07:00

Damon, after I went to a Tupperware party: Why do people go to dumb parties where they just sit around and look at plates?

Claire: when my parents dropped by one night, she held her teddy bear and jumped into my dad's arms saying, "Teddy is very happy to see you!" (Teddy has since been lost, but I'm relieved to report that Claire is coping pretty well)

More Claire: Damon is my best, best, best, best, best, best friend.
When I'm happy I smile and when I smile I giggle.

Anne (she's one of those 2-year-olds that strips down to the nude regularly): I naked!

My Longest, Boringest Blog Ever

2009-05-11T09:22:00.000-07:00

I am the mother of three small children and that entitles me to use words like 'boringest.'

I'm potty training Anne today. It's almost 10:30 AM and we've had two accidents and two successes: that's very good compared with Damon's and Claire's efforts on their first days in underwear.

April was an exciting and exhausting month. We visited the beach and Disneyland to enjoy some of the Longest Lines on Earth.

I went off my sugar-free diet during our vacation (if you can call a trip including three little kids 'vacation'), but then when I got back and reviewed that Ultra-Prevention book, I found out I could have/should have stuck with it. It's not all or nothing, you just do the best you can. Common sense could have told me that, but it was being shouted down by my desire for Easter candy. So, I'm back to whole grains and trying to eliminate sugar, but I'm not as fanatical as I was before. My soy milk, for example, is now the sweetened kind because it's cheaper than the unsweetened kind, and I don't feel like a complete failure for drinking it.

When we got back from CA (after a delightful stop to see Jake's parents), we celebrated Anne's 2nd birthday.

Then we packed up and moved about a mile away to a much better rental. I'm not sure how we survived 11 months in that stinky house, and now that we're almost settled into the new place and I don't feel completely stressed out, I'm really glad we moved.

Sorry the photos aren't matched up with the proper text, but as my viewership is of above-average intelligence, I'm sure you'll figure them out.

humbled

2009-04-21T20:08:00.000-07:00

Damon told me today, "Mom, you don't look that much like a girl. You look kind of like a girl and kind of like a boy."

Me: "Oh...that's too bad. What do you mean?"

Damon: "I don't know. It's like worms. Worms aren't boys or girls. You look like that."

Sugar-free and patting myself on the back

2009-03-25T08:17:00.000-07:00

I read this health book called Ultra-Prevention. It recommends a special 6-week diet in which you eliminate refined and processed foods, hydrogenated oils, milk, and sugar (including brown sugar, honey, molasses, maple syrup, and even certain fruits like bananas and pineapple), and severely reduce saturated fats (butter, etc). It promises to cure chronic diseases and prevent nearly everything else.

So, wanting more energy and less acne, I decided to try it. (For those of you who have never suffered from acne, I spit upon you. Just kidding, Lynsey, you know I love you.)

I am proud to say I'm in the middle of week three of this diet, folks. It's been tough, but my skin is clearer (although I did get one new pimple at the beginning of week 2 which nearly kicked me off the diet in a fit of rage), and I don't feel like I have to take a nap every afternoon (not that I could very often, but I always wanted one).

So, if you want to be healthier, I highly recommend this book. Mom, I know you think only crazy people drink soy milk, but you'll be getting this book for Mother's Day, and I'm sure it will change your mind.

Claire story

2009-03-13T11:54:00.001-07:00

Claire's favorite passtime is running back and forth and back and forth and back and forth across the room while telling a story. The one being told as I type goes something like this: A mommy frog looked in the meadow and saw a strange creature. She said to the daddy frog, "There's a strange creature in the meadow." The daddy said, "What is the strange creature?" The mommy said, "It is a frog." The strange creature hopped inside the house and hopped into the bathtub. He will give hisself a bath.

The best birthday party ever

2009-03-13T11:49:00.000-07:00

My words, not his. Damon turned six and had a Jedi training themed party. It was a lot of work and planning, and I was so shocked and pleased when it paid off! (Parties are not my forte.) Here you can see the Battle of the Evil Bubble Droids. Thank you, internet, for all the ideas. How did we live before the internet?

Madonna? Wonder Woman?

2009-03-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

Anne has an unusual sense of style.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when his is 5, he will not depart from it.

2009-02-26T08:29:00.000-08:00

Please avoid this catastrophic mistake we've made. Damon's once promising future in the fields of math and science has been destroyed by our failure.

Don't teach your kids that squares are squares and rectangles are rectangles. Rather, teach them that a square is a special kind of rectangle.

Damon refuses to believe this, and nothing his teachers, his parents, or the internet says can change his mind.

Save yourselves from endless arguments you'll never win, even with the truth on your side.

Thanks Annette and Conan...

2009-02-22T19:31:00.000-08:00

...for a fabulous New Years party. I wanted to post a picture of the over-40 crew playing guitar hero, but somehow this is all I ended up with.

What Jake does during the holidays

2009-02-22T18:58:00.000-08:00

It's the thought that counts

2009-02-22T18:37:00.000-08:00

I made a lot of aprons for Christmas gifts this year. This is about the only time these ones have been worn by the recipients. I'm always gratified when neighbor kids come over and put them on.

They don't make wallpaper like this anymore

2009-02-22T18:28:00.000-08:00

When we drove down south to visit Jake's parents before Christmas, we were caught in a blizzard and had to stay in Fillmore.

No room in the first inn, so we went to the second. Only $45 for a double room, and truly vintage decor.

Charming though it was, we don't want a repeat and might take Jake's mom's suggestion to start celebrating Christmas in July.

Quotes of the Day

2008-12-11T16:46:00.000-08:00

Damon, when I wouldn't let him have Cheerios before dinner: "You're the worst mommy I ever had, and I don't even want to live with you!"

Claire to me, after discovering money in her piggy bank: "I have money to buy candy, and you can have some money, too!" She has a generous heart and I strike her as destitute, maybe?

Anne, randomly throughout the day: "E-I-E-I-E-I-O!"

Damon the Problem Solver

2008-12-07T17:44:00.000-08:00

Damon noticed our silverware holder couldn't hold all the forks and spoons. He saves empty toilet paper rolls for just such a situation. He's a regular MacGyver.

Thanksgiving

2008-12-07T17:35:00.000-08:00

Julie, Scott, and Bruiser came over for a fabulous Thanksgiving. This is a picture of Scott holding Bruiser holding a piece of our Thanksgiving pork loin in his mouth.

Julie and I had two desserts. The first was chocolate pie (which everyone had), and the second was watching Twilight the movie. It was extremely entertaining. Edward was perfect. It was also surprisingly funny, often unintentionally so. Too bad Bella lacked a personality. Someone should have told her she's not supposed to be catatonic until the next movie.

Fun with Dick and Jane

2008-12-01T15:05:00.000-08:00

I didn't have homework until I was in 3rd grade, so I was really annoyed when I found out I had to help Damon with at least 30 minutes of homework everyday after KINDERGARTEN (Expectations: destroyers of peace). But when he's sounding out 'sheet' and he says "Shshiiiit. Shit?" I feel better about things.

Halloween Costumes

2008-11-14T08:39:00.000-08:00

Wow, Jake was an unusually bad photographer on this one. Claire looks pretty bad. BTW: it is Claire's perogative to change her mind. At a Halloween party on the 30th and at my parents' house on Nov. 1, she was Batgirl. On Halloween she was Tinkerbell.

Jake's office had a costume contest. His group went with a "sheet" theme (Jake's idea). They tore up some sheets and added accessories. Jake wore a cowbell and was Bull Sheet. Others in his group were Piece of Sheet, Oh Sheet, etc. They won the contest.

Clairespeak

2008-11-14T08:34:00.001-08:00

Claire has a unique way of speaking. For example, this morning she pulled a cup out of the dishwasher and said, "I suppose this shall be mine." She's only three, so that seems atypical to me.

Also, she drags out some vowel sounds, especially long A: "When I was feeding Grandpa's horse's I heard a straaaaaaange sound." (She's never fed Grandpa's horses, this was part of a story she made up.)

Pumpkins

2008-10-29T07:46:00.000-07:00

Anne. Her clothes are wet with the milk she poured on herself during dinner.

Claire with ketchup on her chin. Ketchup is a staple for her.

Damon with his pumpkin, carving designed and partially done by himself.

Disturbing

2008-10-29T07:39:00.000-07:00

I love Halloween, but it is a weird holiday. It's strange how tightly we Americans hold onto this pagan/early Christian celebration or whatever it is.

In the store this skeleton seemed like a fun decoration, and it has been. The kids love it. But Jake pointed out that it's sick to have a child-sized skeleton. I told him that proportionally it is an adult. But he's right. It's sick.

Milestones

2008-10-29T07:33:00.000-07:00

On Monday Anne started putting two words together: she said, "Bye, daddy" when Jake went to work, and she said, "Mommy hair" while she pulled my hair.

Last Monday was also the second Monday in a row in which I washed, dried, FOLDED AND PUT AWAY 4 loads of laundry. I can't tell you proud I am of myself. I hate laundry, but it has to be done, so I'm going to do it, by golly.

If I had been able to look into the future 6 years ago and see this day when getting laundry done made me proud, I would have been very depressed at what the future held for me.

Perspective is everything.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall

2008-10-22T09:12:00.000-07:00

Please, everyone, stop telling Claire she's beautiful.

I occasionally find her staring at herself in a mirror. Today, as she gazed into her own eyes, she said, "My eyes are perfect, and my nose is perfect, and my mouth is perfect."

Love at Home

2008-10-22T08:37:00.001-07:00

Anne was born a little too soon for Claire's comfort, and has not made it into Claire's heart yet.

Claire was sitting at a child-size table this morning having an imaginary birthday party. Anne came to sit down with her and Claire pushed her away.

"Can't Anne come to the party?" I asked.

"No. Anne is not welcome to the pahty." (Too bad we're not still back East. Claire's inability to pronounce r's would have fit right in.) "But Penelopede is welcome to the pahty," Claire said.

The pet millipede is curled up dead at the bottom of his container. Claire says he is sleeping.

Damon Quotes

2008-10-19T16:53:00.000-07:00

Regarding his part for the primary program, which they practiced today: "I said it all. I didn't leave out a single atom."

Batman is one of our favorite super heroes. He and his cohorts are frequently the topic of conversation. Damon: "Is Commissioner Gordon real?" Me: "No, but police commissioners are real." Damon, exasperated: "I KNOW police commissioners are real. There's a commissioner on Word Girl." (If you don't watch PBS Kids, you're realling missing out. They have the finest kids' programming.)

Perspective

2008-10-19T16:49:00.000-07:00

After my rant, I starting reading lesson 19 in the Joseph Smith manual. It talks about how he was up all night with his 11-month-old who had the measles and had just gone to bed, when a mob broke in the house, dragged him outside, tore his clothes off, and tarred and feathered him. Really makes my feminist gripes seem petty. In a country where women vote, wear trousers and not corsets, and the "rule of thumb" is a figure of speach and not a guideline for beating your wife, I don't have much to complain about.

The Raging Feminist

2008-10-17T15:51:00.000-07:00

There's a raging feminist that lives in my heart. She has two sources of regular irritation:

1. Shaving. Why is women's body hair disgusting but men's is okay?

2. Bra shopping. She hardly needs one, but for the sake of modesty and comfort, would like to have one that fits. The only ones that come close are so thickly padded they completely change her topography. She's not ashamed of being flat chested. How dare bra makers assume that she is?

Now she has a new one:

3. The treatment Sarah Palin and Hilary Clinton receive. It shouldn't be so funny and acceptable to turn Palin into a sex object. I just heard a strip joint in Las Vegas is looking for Palin look-alikes. Is she no longer a human being with feelings because she's attractive? And why do people speak with such derision of Clinton's ambitions? What's wrong with a woman wanting to be President? I guess when she said something about "not choosing to stay home and bake cookies" was justified. Maybe she wasn't insulting those of us who do, just trying to defend herself and others who choose a different path.

Joe the Plumber

2008-10-16T12:14:00.000-07:00

Here, here, Joe the Plumber! I like that guy.

All Creatures Great and Small

2008-10-14T08:21:00.000-07:00

Last night Claire found a millipede in our house. She picked it up, despite my disgusted protests. I didn't want to Claire to think she grossed me out, so I asked if I could take a picture of her holding it. She said, "Yes, he's my friend."

After the picture I said, "Let's take him oustide so he can find a nice home." Claire said, "No. This is his home." So she put him in a container and now she has a pet.

Unfortunately/Fortunately he wasn't dead when we woke up, and she's been carrying him around all morning. We had to do some research on what they eat. It turns out Claire's not the only person in the world who keeps a pet millipede (or Penelopede, as she calls it). You learn something new every day.

Snow Family

2008-10-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

It snowed a little bit in the night. The kids wanted to make a snowman. I told them there wasn't enough snow. I guess I was wrong.

greed and materialism

2008-10-13T08:15:00.000-07:00

These houses have two things in common: I like them and I can't afford them. I've decided to suspend my househunting until I can afford what I like, so I guess we'll just rent for the next 10 years.

Moms can't get sick

2008-10-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

I came home from church sick yesterday, and went straight to bed. Anne missed me and kept coming upstairs and calling "Mommy! Mommy!" outside my bedroom door. Claire completely reversed her potty training and urinated twice on the floor. That may not have been due to my being out of commission, but Jake has not read the potty-training books that instruct how to react to accidents, so I hope Claire isn't mentally scarred now.

On the bright side, Damon asked, "Is there anything I can do for you, Mommy?" He kept bringing me glasses of water. (When he was sick last week I brought him things to drink while he was in bed.) I'll try to remember how sweet he was next time he throws a screaming fit and I want to take him to my parents' house to live.

Anne

2008-10-10T07:13:00.000-07:00

This is our darling Anne. She's almost 18 months old. She's a remarkably active child with a cheerful disposition, provided she's allowed to do whatever she wants to do.

She's something of a tease: she loves to grab whatever Claire is playing with and run away with it laughing. She is very affectionate, except when you ask for a kiss or a hug--that's when she smiles, shakes her head, and says, "No!"

Her words include: no, uh-huh, uh-oh, mommy, dada, Ceh (Claire), Anne, mine, cracker, cookie, nana (banana), no (nose), up, down, poop, bum, yuck, and mik (milk).